In Memoriam
by Trisana Kara
Summary: Canon!Deathfic.  Sora remembers fire...  Could be interpreted as AxelSora or AxelRoxas.


**In Memoriam**

_White halls carved from stone, and the little Princess locked high in the stone tower waiting for her (knight? Prince?) to save her. Laughing black cloaks, all together now as they all fall down and down one by one..._

_Carved in a small tombstone in the highest tower, __**"In Memoriam."**_

_And Sora felt reality melt away again, an older time that felt like a dream and he __**remembered**_

_Axel, what were you trying to do?_

"_Begin."_

Begin? How was Sora supposed to just _begin _not thinking? Being completely blank, except for the tiny flame on the candle in front of him seemed just a _little_ beyond him.

The old wizard (the missing King sent him to teach Sora) was organizing books into piles and shelves. The books were everywhere, and Merlin didn't seem to want to use magic on them for some reason. Maybe there was magic in the books? Kairi had told Sora a few years before that sometimes when magic overlaps, things could go wrong. Like random explosions that Sora had been killed by repeatedly, though that was mostly Riku's fault.

That made sense. Merlin was a wizard, so he had to have cursed or charmed books lying around. Maybe.

Sora sighed and the little flame flickered as the air shifted. He felt guilty, whoever this King was had gone to a lot of trouble for Sora because of the Keyblade. He hadn't really tried to do what Merlin had said yet, he was just sitting here wasting time while Riku and Kairi and this King were missing and Worlds were disappearing that he was supposed to be able to help. People were relying on him just because he showed up with this magic weapon that he could make vanish at will and whack monsters with.

Two candles were sitting side by side on a plate in the center of Merlin's table. One wasn't lit, his goal. But he was also supposed to be watching the other candle as it burned, memorizing it. Learning how it behaved and felt, he was supposed to _be _the flame. He snorted, and imagined burning into itty bitty pieces of charred Sora after 'being' the fire.

The core was black, the burned wick, with a pure white glow around it. The outer colors were orange and red, mixing together and blurring the view of the bookshelf a few feet behind it. Wasn't blue fire hotter than white or orange? He remembered drawing fires before, and coloring them orange. He should've drawn them blue.

"_The amount of power you can pour into these types of spells depends on how well you can relate to the element you are attempting to summon." Merlin shook his head and frowned. "Fire is not an element for beginners."_

The element strip that Donald had given him was wrapped around his wrist, and he had no clue what to do with it. It was a thin red cloth with an outline of a blue flame at one end, curved just like the little dancing flame on the candle before it was tied off with a square knot.

No, Donald didn't know exactly how to use this either. Or at least he wouldn't tell Sora. Donald said he was a court wizard, so maybe he only knew court spells? Sora wished that Kairi was there to ask, she always seemed to know these things. Maybe she had known some wizards before she came to the islands.

Sora rubbed his eyes: he'd been staring at the fire for too long. It was funny. All of those plans and dreams were _real _and so close but they were wrong now. Because Kairi and Riku weren't there with him. If he'd only been able to reach just a little further… His stomach burned a little when he thought about Riku. He was too _weak_ to save him. They'd still be together if he'd gotten there in time, and maybe Kairi wouldn't have disappeared. Just like Riku.

He wouldn't do anything without them, so they could figure out Kairi's past together. And he wouldn't ever stop looking.

Sora has known that he would find them, but it felt… good, to promise himself that he would.

A book banged behind him, and he refocused on the candle. He felt his face heat up again, and suddenly realized just how cold the room was. Sora had forgotten what he was supposed to be doing for a second.

He tried to sweep his excess thoughts away with an imaginary broom into a closet in the back of his mind, like his mom had tried to teach his dad to do. Instead he could see the smaller musings seeping _with yellow eyes that glowed_ through the cracks in the door as dozens of images and memories.

_he pounced, grabbing her thin wrists and she shrieked…laughing when he covered her mouth…_

Then he was staring into the flame again, and he couldn't see anything except the tiny dancing flicker of light as it twisted around the blackened wick, slowly moving down and melting the _white _wax and Sora could see every change and reaction as it happened. _Before _it happened.

Then he could _feel _it happening, and he was twisted into a braid embedded in wax, so warm and far too hot, burning burning burning as he was consumed and the wax prison melted, he felt the fire (it was so playful _hey Sora bet you can't beat THIS! _licking and curling around him, a living blanket, a parasite that would live from him and give him freedom (_the wax was melting down down down) _even as it destroyed him.

But it was trapped too, this flame. Trapped in the wax, any other fire would run away and fight for its life (_the raft's almost done, Sora) , _leaving destruction in its wake.

_reaching for his hand, higher and higher and farther and farther but he's just drifting away, are you coming?_

"_Kairi's waiting, Sora."_

"_I wanted to see Roxas. He...was the only one I liked..."_

Something built itself in him (_oh, don't think of it like that, she was always with you) _and Sora let it, a mixture of anger and frustration and love and the will to _fight _for his friends, and he could see them waving at him happily, waiting (_come on Sora!) _for him to catch up. It built inside of him, until he could nearly see it as he looked away from the candle to his hands on the table in front of him. He'd been there for awhile, he thought, and then he remembered what he was supposed to be doing and he _knew _just how...

"_Fire,_" he whispered, and his voice cracked. He really had been there for awhile-

_They'll kill you, if you leave! Come back come back come back and there was red black and two green eyes-_

-and then there was a ball of light in his open palm, almost the size of a blitzball but with more power in it than any of Wakka's throws.

And then it shrank.

The ball of light shrank until it was the size of one of his fists, and he could see it clearly for what it was. A ball of fire, licking at the air around it with a black core, red and orange and _white _hot and it burned away, warming his hands as he brought them together to cup the fireball as it floated in the air. He gasped, amazed as it moved to his will... and kept moving. He hurriedly put a hand in its path, blocking the fireball. His fireball.

It slowed to a stop and he watched it, fascinated. It flickered everywhere, lashing out as it searched for fuel. Magic could only do so much. And now he could call that feeling again- _down down down down the rabbit hole-_

"_Throw it at the table, Sora!" _Sora jumped, and he was hit with a bout of nausea. Merlin was by his side in a moment, and Sora smelled tobacco smoke as the old wizard guided his hands back over the table. Sora couldn't remember standing up, but he must have because Merlin was sitting him down again, blue robes uncomfortably familiar to Sora and he couldn't quite remember why.

Merlin muttered something that Sora couldn't here (it sounded like the wizard was cursing to himself) and he could look up at him. "_Let go of it, boy._" And Sora did.

_Everything burned away, screaming and burning, and in the silence he was on the ground,_ "_He made me feel... like I had a heart. It's kind of... funny... You make me feel... the same..."_

"What was that?" he asked, worn out. Merlin glowered at him, grabbing his arm and pulling the red band off.

"_You didn't release the spell. It was feeding from you, Sora, and it was going to kill you by draining your energy._" Another murmur, and Merlin swept towards a cupboard to fetch a vial of blue liquid. He pulled the cork out (and it went flying across the room, notably towards an old owl who promptly began screeching at the wizard) and poured the liquid over the shocked boy's head.

Sora shivered violently and would have jumped away if he hadn't been blocked by Merlin, and a cold, tingling feeling went through him. He felt better, though, less likely to pass out right there in Merlin's house. He felt his face heat up at the thought, embarrassed that he had been ready to collapse in a near stranger's house.

Merlin tapped the light blue glass and looked pointedly at Sora, "_This is an Ether. They will restore limited amounts of magic if you should ever find yourself drained like __**that **__again," _he informed the boy disapprovingly. "_Before you leave today, we're going to make sure that you can separate yourself from your magic." _He shook his head at the Keyblade Wielder. "_I should have expected this problem from you..."_

_And then there he was-_

Sora was kneeling Between the Worlds, beside a dying Nobody.

Sora's eyes widened at the fire wielder's confession, but his shock was replaced with worry as the Nobody continued, "Kairi's in the castle dungeon. Now go."

He raised his hand and held it out, opening a portal to the World the Organization was using.

"Axel..." Sora saw the Nobody start fading, like the ones he had killed. Darkness surrounded his body as he slowly disappeared, as if he didn't exist. There wasn't even a body left behind.

Except... There. Right where Axel's Heart would have been, there was a small keychain. Sora picked it up reverently, and switched his old one with the new while Donald and Goofy were inspecting the portal. He stood up, and walked over to the portal, "This leads to..." There would be time enough for mourning later.

"Aw, come on! Let's get going!" Donald and Goofy went straight through the portal, and Sora looked back once...

_And he remembered how to create fire._

"_In the next life, huh? See you soon."_

_**A/N**_: In short, Sora screwed up playing as fire (instead he wound up being the fire's fuel, the wick), forgot about the episode entirely as a result of Castle Oblivion (remember how he forgot and had to relearn his magic in the game?) and remembered the incident with Axel's death.

_Tada. _Unbeta-ed.


End file.
